Missing my Sanity!

Of all the things that I have lost in life, I miss my sanity the most. I have always been a happy go lucky typo never worrying about anything , just following what the heart says, seldom applying wisdom to judge or choose . This way I realise that I have put myself in trouble time and time again... Every time I am in such a pit , it seems impossible to get out of it... But God's been kind enough to give me opportunities in life ... I grab them with eager hands, for some time follow the correct path and then all of a sudden something has to happen to blow my senses away . In that momentary lapse of reason and wisdom , I make the blunders yet again! Some times even realising the fact doesn't help. I feel like being possessed , not able to work the way I want to , just giving in to weaknesses. Its a shameful fact to realise that... Its over... blunders made... what now?? Am I doomed?? I don't know.. I just don't know ....

Run baby run!

They say everyday is a new day , there is always chance to start afresh, forget the past , look ahead and live the present. Sometimes I have said the same to troubled souls, now I know that it is sure much easier said than done. No matter how much ever I involve myself in activities ,busy with work, studies et all.. it doesn't really matter 'coz in the middle of the night in my solitude there is no other thought in my head , but the one which has been there with me, which I guess will be there with me for the rest of my life. I can run , run faster , run away from people and places... How can I run away from where my heart is ... I got to ... I really need to... I get that. I do get that. I just don't know how to...

hello...

Wanna talk.. I wanna talk... I really wanna talk to someone , someone who understands me , someone who listens to all my crap with ever lasting patience.... someone who makes me feel that special , who makes me feel most intelligent!

Seems silly and funny but heck everyone requires this someone . I sometimes wonder why .. why is this want to pour my heart out to only one person... may be because not everyone has the patience to listen to or has the interest to bear my blabbering , or may be I simply can't open up to everyone . I believe its mixture of both.

Whether pouring my heart out or just listening to others doing the same. Heart to heart talks always have a calming effect. I have mostly kept quiet for a long time now..... 2 and a half years is long time. Lot has changed since then... I have changed.. I have substituted that someone with an imaginary person who has all the patience in the world to listen to all the crap that comes in my mind. But what I can never substitute is the sweet voice that I used to listen to . My mind has served me as a video cam and a tape recorder .... replaying the ol' times , but I so yearn to hear a few words of my 'someone' .... I can never again hear her...

Its a pain that never goes away...